Ain't gonna give up.

21 October 2008 @ 11:45 pm

i'm posting here because if i post this on my normal blog, people will judge, inevitably.
but anyway, i wanted to password protect it anw!
its taken from blogger, so if you were looking, you're smart (:

"and let your whole world see"

i swear i'm on a bad mood spree.
which just disappears from the observer's eye for convenience sake.
sucks la, i must learn to be emo outright, cause then maybe it'll stop quicker.
maybe this is what they call adolescence.
haha should start phase 2: anti-social! (then can study!) and avoid making others feel sad

thanks la jaime, this is what you get yourself into, really.
whose fault whose fault whose fault?
needless to say, its mine, of course.

oh god, i really feel like bella from new moon luh. that gaping hole. except that i have absolutely no idea why there is a gaping hole. i mean, its not like i lost a loved one (well not really anw)

who asked you to go become a small fish in a big pond?
who asked you not to listen to mrs tan the wise?
who decided not to work hard enough?
who tried so hard to do everything?
who is the stupid one who keeps doing stupid things huh?
who who who keeps failing cause either
a) she doesn't try hard enough; or
b) tries too hard?
lets answer the question shall we?
jaime maria tan the really stupid stupid one.

how on earth did i manage to decide that coming here was a good idea luh. fail fail fail. everything i start, i spoil. don't deserve these chances, really. should have been given to steph or something. which idiot decided that she should learn to fall stupidly and just believe in someone she thought was perfect, when obviously there are no perfect people. and who was told that her training was counter-productive or not entirely effective and refused to listen until low and behold we got such shithole results that is essentially worse than that of my performance in secondary one, where we barely trained? and guess who could've have stayed and worked hard cause there's an o level factor and could have reproduced sec1+2 and better with lohloh? great job jaime, you really outdid yourself this time.

yeah yeah i know, "your(God's) grace is enough" and he'll take everything we start and spoil and such. but argh, sucky feeling sucky times. if i feel like that how on earth am i gonna train properly! i gotta get over this phase really soon. but every few days i just keep falling back in. grah. "everyone needs compassion" how apt (: there's less compassion here than in ij. elitist schools, should've taken Os and gone to cj. okay maybe not. but, argh. i'm just annoyed with myself now okay, i needa rant. doesn't have to be coherent, cause this ain't LA. i needa run, i need to feel nothing, nothing at all! grahhhh, they say He only gives you what you can handle. but i'm not handling at all. and i haven't been good at all this year. aunty cee should take back the witnessing thing from me. what am i supposed to say that'll be good to anyone? actions speak louder than words, really.

i really need a pick up!
don't wanna wallow no more!
don't want this bad mood spell no more!
gonna sleep early today and hope i don't feel sucky tmrw.

oh btw, thank you people who've been talking to me & trying to cheer me up.
it helps here and there, not all the time but yeah. thanks for caring (:
i appreciate the concern and all! sorry if you feel like you're wasting your time!

on a side note, if vanessa sees this, i'm sorry i'm not going for your thing tmrw!
got a surprise for you though! :D
lots of love! :D

lizzi says she has to sleep,

but pretend i said this after you blogged : "BE HAPPY AH I TELL YOU! God has
planned everything. remember, you're only seeing a small part of His big &
b-e-a-utiful plan! :D"</p>-
RG :} -Different now says [lizzi] (10:46 PM):

thanks thanks dear! :D i'm trying trying to be happy. (:

~~what i really wanna do is lock this post up, but stupid blogger is, stupid. so yeah.~~
this half-abandoned blog will do the trick [: only smart people can see (: YAY!
i am trying to be happy, i am trying to be happy.

thanks for the favour in advance nicholas! :D

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

sad, unfortunately

Current Music: Hillsongs - Mighty to save

2 comments | Leave a comment

27 July 2008 @ 08:51 pm

so long, not goodbye

"BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

harlow, i'm moving back to blogspot cause my livejournal's hard to read, says many.

http://merrywheel.blogspot.com

i might private this and put in small little pieces of very important stuff. ( to me of course )
i shall seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

anyway, my phone bill is baoing. so anyone reading this should not sms me on mondays wednesdays and fridays. unless you are a singtel user. Or if you are smsing me because i need to know about meetings, or if you are my mum or teacher or something. OR if you have extremely important things to tell me(i shall decide if i wanna reply). if you want, i have free incoming :D

please take note, my online-ing shall be more irregular. (:

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Colbie caliat - Capri

Leave a comment

22 July 2008 @ 10:54 pm

Hearts all over the world tonight

"All or nothing"

I'm very very tired for some reason.
I DID CHEM TODAY! :D YAY! I finally got that working meter turned on.
I shall do a little more tomorrow. And by next week I'll really be started on this stupid thing called studying.
And you know whatt, I think I missed my beloved top 20, by a litttttle bit.
): next term next term! I WILL MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG!
Oh god, I need to sleep. I need to get organised. I need to neaten up! I need to stop stressing.

And as of recently, I have totally disappeared from my friends' lives. Wonderful.
And as of even more recently, I have started disappearing from something that is very important to me, known as church.
Grahhhhhhhh, I'm not doing it intentionally but. Ah, I keep running. Further, faster. Oh dear God.
Like this Saturday's College day. And a good part of me is planning to skip skip skip cat class.
Oh, goodbye Faith that I tried to build up. One week, some people and alot of fun just destroys it. Hoho, I'm paving my road to hell.

I don't know, I feel that its all interconnected. And suddenly, tessa disappearing from my side of the world, is justified.
And, I don't know. Its not like I really don't try. I just give up. I mean, I stil have the rest of them right.
Its just that argh. It annoys me talking about it. I'm going to sleep.
I will go to church, I will believe, I will stop running away, I will make new friends and I will be a better catholic.

Oh freak, I have to do my Confirmation report.
What the hell am I going to call myself?
Who the hell do I wanna be?
Faith/Fidelis? Antonia/Antoinette? Julia?

Faith/ Fidelis obviously means faith. And St. Faith is this girl who had immense faith and left everything to God and willingly died for him, she just gave everything for him even at a young age. She humbled herself to God, and gave her whole life to him. Not her will, but God's.
Like Rachel said, it doesn't matter right?

Antonia/Antoinette's from Anthony. The saint of lost things. Antonia/Antoinette might let me have the courage and strength to always do the right thing and find what I'm missing. Always keeping faith, finding the right roads and finding God.

Julia's from St. Julia who was sold to a pagan as a servant, and did not complain at all. She just loved God with all her might, and just let him give him whatever he wanted. As a result, her owner favoured her so much and took so much care of her, in turn for her faith.

Most probably Faith/Fidelis or Julia. I'd like to find a name which shows how someone does her best to just live it up for God and just change lives and affect people in a large way just being contended to help. Maybe, I don't need a confirmation name to do that.

GOODNIGHT! :D

; jaime!

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: Chris brown - With you

Leave a comment

20 July 2008 @ 11:08 pm

Do you hear me

"across the deep blue"

I HAVE BEEN HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN!
and the consequences are,
a) alot of work left undone,
b) super messy unorganised life; and
c) brokeeeeeeee :/ anyone wanna treat meeeeeee!

but anyhow! its been a great weeek! don't you agreee
here's what's gone on.
monday: THAIPAN ! :D
tuesday: THAIPAN + rainout soccer :/
wednesday: NATIONALS (i can run 800m in under 160 seconds, HAHAHA.) + JUMBO! :D the prawns are really good!
thursday: SOCCER! :D cheers to 2nd runners up aquila!
friday: DARKKNIGHT@suntec! :D
saturday: funonfoooooot! (:
sunday: HOLLANDVEE(w/ GEN!) :D:D

its been alot alot alot of fun!
here's the pictures today! i lost like 5 bucks cause i forgot to bring ezlink, great la. OHOH, and i have a wonderful bracelet from cine, HAHAHA ANNABEL BETCHA JEALOUS!

@ THAIEXPRESS! (:

@ COLDROCK! Their swings are really cooool! :D and they're ice-cream rocks!

& POLAROID outside FROLICKS! :D you can't see the background, but its really cooooooooool! :D

I had a good time catching up & hearing about things. HAHA. OMG, everyone's turned naughty! :O
But anyhow, it was a pretty good outing and my chem is undone, I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO! ):
Okay, I shall go sleep! Tomorrow's racial harmony. BIKINI TIMEEEEE :D

Its been a great week, and it could've been better. But, i've had worse times!
And like I said that day, its getting better. I'm coping, having fun, making new friends & getting over past mistakes.
You wanna know why I came to IP? Haha, its cause maybe RJ wasn't the place I always wanted to be.
Not when the person that you might kill was in the same school as you for a year. If you get me. (:

Anywaaaaay. I wanna sleep. Have a great week ahead friends!
Studying starts in 34 minutes! ):

And everything's the same. I wish it'd never change.
Ceteris Paribus, is a facadé.

; JAIME! :D

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Colbie calliat - Lucky

1 comment | Leave a comment

14 July 2008 @ 07:48 pm

I know you hate me,

"YEAH YEAH WOH WOH! :D"

Thank you Francesca and Colin, for listening to me go blah blah blah and get freaking pissed with the world yesterday. Times of need. :D
Maybe if I hadn't slept that late I wouldn't have felt that ~~terrible~~ way. Sometimes, I just hate myself so very much.

/Add in: THANK YOU TEASER ONE PEOPLE TOO! Today was really funnnnnn! :D

You'll know that I'm feeling down when I use the word without self censors.

ANYWAY.
Today was indieventure week. AND ZOMG. I'm doing the teaser 1 thing. My group consists of, Janice, Zhengfeng & Samuel. Teaser 1 rocks la, but we really don't know how to do anything. BUT IT WAS VERY VERY VERY FUN. :D Even though we're probably not going to win, it was really very funny. What about bowling with durians and shooting on moving target boards cause we're on sail ships and all. :D Great stuff! We had frisbee in the morning too. Hahaha, we suck la! But it was very very fun! :D I think we made the right choice, ALL THE TEASER ONE PEOPLE (: Yupp. After 1245, about 20+ of us from teaser 1 went to thaipan. Hohoho, we played I never and zhoujimima. ''Twas fun( very fun ) ! The food stuff was REALLY gross. Thank god, I didn't have to eat it. phewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. :D But, yupp. It was fun fun fun! I can't believe the guys would rather us gobble down super gross food than doing dares la! I mean, I'd watch a dare anyday! I mean, haha. All the memories of seducing each other, proposing to each other, saying stupid things and acting silly. Ohwells, at least it was veryyy funn! :D

And I knocked out in the bus today. And that shows how bad sleeping at 1230am is. I should have done my chinese earlier. Anyway, I'm falling sick. AND GRAH WEDNESDAY IS THE FINAL RACE DAY. Dear Lord, you really really cannot do this to me! ): I hope I get better before wednesday! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kays, I'm a good girl. Gotta get myself motivated for wednesday and I really gotta start on my research. Cause, we're so doomed! Oh wells, we're not planning to win right! :D

Seeyou guys. :D HAVE FUN HAVING LESSONS, WHILE WE LAUGH OUR DAYS AWAY! :D Helmsman rocks, unofficial official week of slacking, says Charmaine! :D

OH YEAH. Congrats to Charmaine & Ashley for getting 3rd and 1st respectively for 3000m! Kudos to you girls!

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

envious; I WANT A MEDAL TOO ):

Current Music: Marie digby - Say it again

2 comments | Leave a comment

11 July 2008 @ 10:42 pm

You'll always be a part of me;

"When the days and the nights get a little colder"

YESSSSS!
1500m is over done and kissed goodbye!
5:36.80 is all it takes to make your race a legacy, to yourself.
I could have done better. I guess, I always could.
But this is the best I could do with the trainings and the courage I have.
And all my best, I promise. Because, the best is never enough. Onward!
And now, all that I have left to show myself, is that < 2.40.80 ( Hopefully) of fight.
I'm gonna do my best, I'm gonna do it right, do it well.
What I have may not be the medal winner or the championship stealer. But, I sure hope that it'll be my best.
A worth celebrating run, a worth celebrating fight. Worthy.
I want to do this, I really want it. I really want it bad.

You'll never be satisfied. You'd always want more.
That, is human nature. And that's all we need to be the best.
I'll have next year, where I'm gonna bring you down. Bring all of it down.
I'm gonna own you upside down inside out. This I want to do.
Now I'm more motivated to succeed. After touching and feeling Ashley's gold medal.
It feels like heaven. And if it were mine, it'd be so much more worth and so much more precious.
Sure, its for God. But this little bittle bit of cheap thrill just keeps you going when you just can't have anymore hope.
I guess, my faith isn't that up yet, to just give it all. But one step at a time, all the way.
And I need every bit of motivation I get to keep going on. To keep trying till success comes.
And the joy that Shalom had. A record. Its there alright, in the lists and minds.
To break it, to take it. That's what it means. And to be THERE. Is, remarkable.
Yes, this is pointless dreaming, but. If I could, I really would.
And this year, I promise, I'd give more than my best.
Because watch me, watch me close.
I'm gonna be a star before you know it. I'm gonna take you down.

VJ's 25th Anniversary theme is, Victoria's Journey Continues: Stories, Moments, Dreams
Dreams & Moments. Oh hell yeahhhhh. I'm gonna make moments that'll be worth remembering.
I'm gonna realise all those dreams. I am going to do my best & I won't give up. No I won't.
I remember all my arbitrary crazy dreams about beating her and her or her. And just laughing it off.
Maybe someday, I'll just rise to the occasion. And, take it away. Just, take it away.
And my mum said, wait till someone comes up, then she'll know that her victory is not so sweet.
Maybe I could be that someone. If I'm willing to work and give my 200% and more.
Come onnnnn. You could do this, and you always can, its just there. You just gotta dig deep, that's all.

I PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS! :D
that was the target, and it was reached.
Yay, Thank you Lord above! For helping me remember everything( that I did or did not study!)
Its kinda a relief that I'm able to balance again. Rather than ~~failing~~ doing miserably at both.
Well, you never fail until you give up. And no way am I about to give up, noooooooooooo.
So, yesssssssssssssss! :D I'm gonna keep going, keep holding on.
LA, Math & Bio - A? :D Chem - B (for boo!:/) Chinese + Physics - Ppppassss! :D Zomg, thank goodness!
I guess, I need to start studying again before I lose it all again. So, Hoho. I'm gonna keep moving forward.
And. I'm gonna keep growing. In faith, in love and in hope. ( Harhar, Faith, hope & love! Such an IJ thing )
So, watch me shine, watch me shine for His glory.

And I guess really really sincerely, nothing's fair.
Because. I can be happy. But I can't be too happy.
And I can never be tired or sad. Because that means something is wrong.
And you can be sad all the days of your life, and you'd just deny it.
Yeah sure, its not my job to care anymore. You probably killed me in your mind.
Took me out of your life. I've tried okay. I've fcking tried to do things right.
I listened, I trusted and I helped. Guess it isn't enough. Guess trying doesn't count.
Guess trying as hard as you probably can to succeed never works out. So, I don't care.
I want to care, but I really can't. YOU DONT WANT ME TO CARE, SHIT. I don't like this.
Guess, best friends just don't last long. And for the record, you lasted the shortest.

And although this is only inversely related to the following:
I miss you, tessa. More than you, more than you know.
Yeah I miss the IJ girls too. But, this is different. :/

Whatever, you're always spoiling my good mood.

/edit: I read through my message history of July '07 - October '07 ( I wanted to read more, but fell asleep :X) of certain people/ a person. Guess things were too good to fail. Maybe it was just the surreal part of my life, that lets me dream. Just a little. One day it would have just been a dream, with no bad consequences.

; JAIME!

Current Mood: indescribable

Current Music: David cook - Always be my baby

Leave a comment

08 July 2008 @ 07:31 pm

Take time to realise;

"Oh let me have faith"

IF SOMEONE HAD A GUN HELD IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE AND ASKED YOU IF YOU BELIEVED IN GOD, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
SAY NO AND FEEL ASHAMED THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? OR SAY YES, I DO, AND DIE STANDING UP FOR GOD?

Note: This is a true article that was printed in a southern newspaper less then a year ago

There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of
Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, 'Does anyone know who this is?' The little girl said, 'I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died.'

Funny, isn't it?

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)

Funny how someone can say 'I believe in God' but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also 'believes' in God).

Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start s ending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Funny how we can go to church for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. (Are you laughing?)

Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)

Funny how we read the Harry Potter books in less than a day but it takes us a life time to read the bible!

Yes , I do Love God!

- From some stupid Chain mail.

I love God, but I really hate Chain mail. GRRRR.
But since they wanted me to pass it on, here it is.

1500m tomorrow. FAITH FAITH FAITH, FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
It'll be fine jaime, it'll be fine. Relax, and leave it in God's hands. You've wasted countless hours dragging yourself out of the house to go train and what not. You could really do this well, if you believe. Trust that you can last the end even if you kick early, trust that God'll take you through, trust that no matter what happens, its for your own good, and its the right thing, trust that you will give your best. ( Or just qualify ) This shouldn't go wrong for you. You have jesus running right beside you. Come on girl, you can do this! :D

Okay, cheeeena time. Have the book to finish reading, seeyou guys. I hope I really do well! FAITH + FOCUS, ALL THE WAY! (f+f, atw!)

/Add in: I want a bracelet from that Cine shop! ANNABEL! :/ haha, the website's http://craftinbox.com ZOMG, so nice laa. its the Ornamental bands thing. But its cheapo (its cheaper at the shop), so I don't want it for my birthday which is actually in 66 days :D :D hint!

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

calm

Current Music: Daughtry - Over you

1 comment | Leave a comment

07 July 2008 @ 10:00 pm

Thnks for the mmrs

"time of our lives"

Thank you lizzi, celeste, colin, jlowe and peter for the wonderful wonderful day out today ! :D You guys rock! :D :D

Today, we went to Sentosa + Vivo to spend our wonderful youth day! :D
I left the house at like, 1015 to catch the double deck 70 just in time and to catch colin on the bus! Haha, I know I make good time! :D Took the 70 to serangoon, where we waited for celly + lizzi to get to serangoon from hougang cause they took 72. Hmph, I wish I could take 72 too! But yuppppp, by the time we left serangoon it was like. 11. Haha, we were supposed to reach harbourfront at 11, but ya. LATE! :D hahaha. So we got to Harbourfront. where celly and colin bought tickets while jaime & lizzi went to get snacks. And later met colin & celly somewhere in giant. Haha, liz and i had fun running down the up escalator! :D so ya ya, we went to get the sentosa tix. And this time colin & lizzi queued while jaime & celly went to buy juice! haha, colin is such a flirt! (kidding!)

uhhuh, and then we got to sentosa at like 12+ when the other 2 guys had already finished band, and were making their way to harbourfront. we dropped at imbiah, and then got on again and went to beach station. and then went to siloso to playyy! :D hahaha, fun fun fun! :D didn't get wet though! we ate, played 7up and buried, celeste, colin and jlowe's feet. Hahaha. fun fun fun! :D we pushed colin & jlowe! But only lizzi got dunked. Haha, like REALLY dunked. even though she didn't have clothes. hahahahaha. oh wellllls! sorry lizzi! but lizzi's really really hot in her tankini! Woooooooooooooooot! I shall not post her picture here to protect her privacy, and to prevent all the hot guys that may fall for me from falling for her, haha! (kidding! yet again.) So yaaaa. We did the luge and skyride too! T'was funn! This time, i didn't bang anyone's cars and I was pretty fast kay! PRETTY FAST, i know peter thinks i drive real slow, WHATEVER! So yupppp.

Haha, while the girls took forever in the toilet trying to get a shot of the extremely attractive + burning hot lizzi, we wasted our time to get to vivo. So we got back to vivo at about 4.20. Ps, our movie was scheduled to start at 4.25. Hahaha ! But anyhow, we still managed to get our subways before the movie started! And it was like, 4.40? GV has definitely more adverts than Cathay, that's for sure! We watched Hancock! :D It was pretty good! I thought it was better than Get smart. But then again, I didn't really like get smart. So yaaaa. After the movie we went to Diva and then Candy Empire and left Harbourfront at about, 7? Haha, yes it was pretty late! & the train was super packed! But I got to sit, yay! :D hahah.

So we got to serangoon at like, 7.30! And we kinda wanted to get back by 7.45, so it was kinda late! And 70 the double deck came, and it was still SUPREMELY squeezy. But we went to the top deck halfway, and there were seats, so it wasn't so bad. And ya, zoom zoom zoom. And the bus reached our stops. And as usual, i was the last to stop since I live rightt at the end. But its okay :D So, i walked really fast so I could get home by 8. Took off my sandals halfway, cause they were disgustingly sticky and giving me blisters. Yupppp.

And so, I had dinner, did my math ( a little? ) and am here. I'm ~~really~~kinda tired. I hope I didn't wear myself out, argh! I needa have faith+focus+energy+endurance+speeeeed on wednesday! JIAYOUJAIME! uhhuhhh.

So this was my fantastic youth day! :D I'd post pictures, but I didn't bring a camera, so I don't have any, besides lizzi's superrrr hot picture! Which shouldn't be uploaded, haha. Okay so anyway. I'm gonna goo, bye, have a great week!

Jiayoujaime, you gotta make sure you do your best. LAST LAST LAST, FAST FAST FAST. ( last as in endure! ) Gotta unscrew this! :D
Had your fun, time do your bestest nowww!

Have been thinking about secone days recently, don't know why people keep mentioning sec1. Haha, I think the sec one jaime would have been more than ecstatic to read this post. Haha, childish, stupid, silly and obsessive girl! I've grown since then! :D

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

satisfied

Current Music: Michael bublé - Everything

Leave a comment

05 July 2008 @ 10:52 am

2.41.87

"Gotta have faith, gotta make this right"

Mhm, haven't posted in like, almost a week.
'Ts been greatttt! Tiring, but pretty awesomee! (BADGES WHERE WHERE WHERE!)

EIGHT HUNDRED HEATS ARE OVER! ZOMG, FINALLY!
And now its time to fuss over 1500heats, and 800 finals. (oh and 1500 finals if i actually qualify! :/)
Mhm. 800 heats, could've been much better. But I guess, that confidence I have that it could have been that much better should push me even further on 160708. And I really do I reach my ~~super high and far away~~ target. I'm gonna have faith, and ignore the fear. Cause I could go faster, and I could last. And I should believe. Could haves and should haves should really become must haves and will haves. Which I'm working on!Pain, like art, is completely subjective. I could pretend to not feel it, and I could believe its there and let it inhibit me. Fear, is the incarnate of the devil. It makes you feel like you can't do anything at all.

Anyhoww, FAITH FAITH FAITH, jaime. Belief in yourself, belief in God. :D Can do this, don't give up. Not many days till you go scot free, jiayou! Last bit last bit! :D:D:D:D:D

Was talking to lizzi that day. Mhm. Haha. I am a lucky girl who chooses to pass up chances. Who has what's great in front of her and pushes it away. Haha, but nowww, I have more important things to do, than to take up chances and take the great stuff. Y'know, I don't wanna get distracted from things that really matter to me. I need my center, my focus and my concentration. Especially, when I don't see perfect. (So, i'm obsessed with perfection. Big deal.) Hoho. But it kinda sucks since I probably have what lizzi wants. I'd give what I have to her, if I could. Cause, I don't really want it. And I sure as hell, don't need it. Oh wells. Someday, if the chance remains there, i'd probably take it, cause. Hey, how long do you think I'd be foolish enough to find perfection right? But, how many chances remain where they are for eternity. So, yes I'm really stupid to throw away chances, when you know that you may want them back later. But, haha. I think that's the way its supposed to be.

Soooo. About the other thing. You know, the one that's constantly eating up my patience and getting me annoyed. I really don't know. My email pals knoww how I feel. But, that's as far as I'm going to get it right. I mean its not fricking my fault that really nothing happens in my life. And its really not my fault that, sometimes I'm just happier than others. I mean, wth. Everyone's like that. ITS NOT JUST ME WHO HAS DIFFERENT MOODS OKAY! After awhile, every part of this just becomes dread. Cause, you know that things won't be what they used to be. Sometimes the phone rings, and I look at it and wonder how to conceal the less than contentment. And it sucks. I guess, she'd feel worse than me, cause its outright that her friends are being distanced. Maybe I should just be contended for once.

Ho wellllllls. I'd post pictures, buttt I haven't taken many. And I'm extremely lazy! OHOHOH! I got my track jacket! YAY! But its not adidas, like, NOT FAIR ): But anyways, it looks nice and is pretty comfy. Might bring it later to church, since its cold! Hahahahahaha. Wonder how belly/talooloo's doing at the family day. HAHAHA, I hope val can tell something about <insert names here>, hohoho!

OOOH! Funfair's tmrw. YOU PEOPLE SHOULD COME! Its gonna be fun (i think). Yupp!
8am - 3pm. St Vincent De Paul Chrch :D
You can take buses, 70, 103 or 854. Which would be probably quite Alien to the eastsiders!
But hahahhaha! Its not that hard to find! Jalan Kayu has 103, if that helps?

Okay, nappy + lunchy time! :D

CIAO PEEPS!

; JAIME!

/ Add in : Maybe i'll have a chance to fix something tomorrow. Talk about 420 minutes :D

Current Mood:

cheerful

Current Music: Ludacris feat Mary J blige - Runaway love

Leave a comment

29 June 2008 @ 07:34 pm

Let me be the one you call;

"i can mend a broken heart"

TODAY WAS SO MUCH FUN! Like seriously! I misss this kinda euphoric, i'm on top of the world, happy birthdayy feeling. Seriously! :D

There was carwash for next week's funfair today. Hmm, had to wake up at 6.15 for 7am mass. And yaaa, i was at mass early, hurrayyy ! :D then we car washed and I got really really wet, but whatevs, was fun! :D the food kinda sucked, but oh wells. at least we made money and washed cars! and zomgg, cars are really hard to wash, i never really realised that. i mean, they're probably easy when they're clean. but that toyota or whatever the 1616 car was so super dirty we had to wipe it down with soap like 2 or 3 times and even so it was still dirtier than the other cars! grrr, but it was fun, BUT VERY TIRING. but still fun :D haven't spent so much time in church in a longlong time. but this year, time passes so fastt, good friday, was just there. cross was just over and now track's approaching and eating my heart out and earthquaking my stomach and stillness of mind. oh wells, it'll be over soon. i trust that i've been giving what's close to my best. so, i trust in you Lord!

hmm, then we did the funfair preparation. lizzi, celly, larissa, rachel and i started off with the kid's prizes thing. WOOOOH. it was soooo much fun! that was the way i used to feel about cl every week! when i used to look forward and anticipate it so much that i'd be jumping around 2/1 just talking about cl. but now, its kinda different. i wish we could bring back that euphoric sensation to cl, and just have as much fun. maybeits not cl, maybes its just us. maybe we ought to have more enthusiasm? oh wells. anyhow, we had super alot of fun la, in short :D and yaaa. i brought boots home! :D:D:D. he's so cuteeeee. and ya. i guess i haven't felt this happy happy feeling in a long timeeee. :D. i'll post pictures today, since SHUSHU asked me to. hahaha.

guess i gotta move on. i have no idea how many times i've said this but now i really wanna mean it. GOODBYE J&P, I DON'T WANNA CARE IF YOU GET STDs OR WHATEVER. GET OUT OF MY MIND, RID ME OF THE HATRED, THANKS :D

BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS :D
betcha you want it toooooo :D

and this is my "schoolbag" :D:D
ONE THREE PENCIL CASE :D

and these are the 2 tickets of the 2 movies i watchedd betcha jealousss :D
sorry the orientation of pics are wrong, i lazyyyyyyyy :D

and this is my super cheap 5 dollar bag :D
from cotton on body:D hahaha. so fun so fun.
shopping after tests are the bestest thing ever.

so there you go shushu, i'll post pictures now since i finally figure out how you do this, haha. i'm a NOOB :/

; JAIME! :D

Ps I was thinking of Fides/ Faith or Julia/Juliet for my confi names. What say you friends! :D Comment and tell me!
*Confi names are like another name ya ya. Something I get to choose, yay!:D

Current Mood:

happy

Current Music: We the kings - Check yes Juliet

Leave a comment

28 June 2008 @ 03:36 pm

Things you wanna feel,

"give you everything"

but you're not inferior to <insert name here>! why do you keep feeling that? you know you're way better than her! aiyo! silly girl. right now, to me she just seems like some bitch who i have a good reason to beat up. but she's a nobody. so lets make her that. nobody to you. so you can just walk away baby, and go live a better life, for God's glory, just turn and walk. run if you want to. just stop beating yourself up over something so worthless. if you keep looking back i will scotchtape your eyes to the front!
- adapted from Sulin's email ! :D

Thanks sulin! :D
So it really might not be made a difference, cause so many people have told me so many times. But you know, i'm just so stubborn in my ways here. And, sometimes I wonder if i'll only believe that i'm really not inferior to her, when he says it. But even so, he's her fcking ~~girlfriend~~boyfriend (haha, zomg, I didn't intend it, really! freudian slip! :D) . Why would I believe that? But as much as I know, everyone's changed. So, even if I get what i wanted, then, why would it matter to me. I'm not even the same person. I'd just break her heart. And as much as I want to, i'm not a bitch or a slut. So, i really gotta work on just living. Because, she isn't worth my time, and neither is he.

Okay anyway, i just watched 27 dresses online. ZOMG, there are some parts where I just feel like Jane. Who just waits and watches everyone, and tries to help and everything, but never gets her own wedding. And doesn't want it, to a certain extent. And then passes up chances, because she's way too obsessed with perfection. And then when she has perfection in her midst, realises she doesn't want it. And settles for something second best. Maybe, that'll be me someday. But the thing is. Everyone in the movie is freaking hot. Okay, irrelevant. But ya. Maybe I should stop focussing on perfection. Maybe. I should stop using the maybe word, its colin's not mine! :D My word is, NO. Hahahaa, I should change it. soon. "No" affects alot of things, haha.

And you know there's this part in the movie where she organises her sister's wedding to the guy she thought she loved. And ya, it hurt her so so much. And, in the end when she broke it apart, she didn't even love the guy. Maybe I have 2 choices, to just ignore what's happened and think that even if it didn't happen, it wouldn't affect me. And the other being, to break everything out show it to them, and then wash my dirty laundry in public. I'll choose the first, and I've always chose the first. :D So, stop telling me to say i'm hurt laaaaa. It sucks enough thinking about being inferior to a < insert descriptive terms here >.

And this is how apt to the phrase, you don't know what's there till its gone. Haha. But anyhow, this really doesn't affect me now much. I'm fourteeenish- fifteen ( who sneaked with chars into NC16 yesterday, yay! ) , i've nationals in 5 days and i really really need my good results so that I can become that wonderful doctor when I grow up. :D Yes I am. But everyone ( including you jaime! ) has to grow up soon. And that scares me, scares me alot.

Anyhoww. Let's talk about what happened yesterday (: Okay, its more of I talk and you read and understand and yaaa. Aha. Yuppppppppp.
Yesterday, it was "helmsman activities", which was essentially sitting in lt2 for 4 hours listening to groups present about India and Silicon Valley. And bringing only Border's pencil cases to school with absolutely nothing else. And singing happy birthday to chars. :D So yeah, we finished at 12 and we had great trouble finding people to watch people with, but in the end, it was just me and chars. Oh wells. We missed the first show, and almost missed the second again, because we were eating at KFC happily enjoying chicken. haha. I know we are funny. We sneaked into the NCSIXTEEN Zohan! Haha, this is what you get for being in IP and having the absolutely too difficult work. Which includes chemistry quetions that came out for the J1 papers, like wth! But anyhow, yess. And it was really funny funny funny funnny. HAHAHA! But pretty horny, i'd say! No wonder it was NC! But good good anyhowwwww. And after the movie chars and I were reallllly exhausted! On the train home, zomgggg. I was falling asleep, and i lost my balance and people didn't even give me a seat! TSK SINGAPOREANS AHHH! But yeah, maybe cause I look really young and all. (: Yuppp, i reached home before chars! :D

And I went home to sleeeeeeeeep. Until mum came back and we went to YCK stadium to train. WHOA. real tired la! Like head throbbing, hearts racing and eyes closing. Haha. So anyway, I rusheddd to church for first cycle CL, and we went to deliver the posters thingo. Walked to lizzi's house with her, woooot. LIZZI YOU GOOD LAH! Somethings i'll never be able to do. (: And then yeaah, we were late but it was fun anyhows. Pretty fun! :D I realised that I hadn't biked/ cycled in ages! And the last time I biked anyway, was on a stationary bike. It always is! Gosh, I am a deprived child! But anyhow, it was fun fun fun! :D:D:D:D Reached home at 11+ and zonked out ! I was reallly tired, kay!

I realised that ~~we're~~ i'm pretty out of the loop and all. Heck. And yeah, relationships are really weird. You know. Like, with the people you're supposed to be extremely closed to. Whateverr, I've my email pals, my !ONETHREEHILLS and my other vj friends. 'S pretty good I guess. Who cares la. who cares who cares who cares who cares who cares. Its not my fault nothing happens in my life, really! And you'll just think i'm not trusting, or whateverrr. I just really want my life to be this way, can't you see. But, I don't know. I JUST DON'T BELONG WITH THERE. So what the hell, scrap that. You probably won't realise, cause maybe I'm just being all sensitive and all. And i'm probably the only person who goes and makes sure that everyone else doesn't feel like that cause of me. And I shouldn't expect everyone to do the same, because after all. this is life, and you just gotta take it, like it or not. HAIYOH. This never ends.

800m on 3rd July! I gotta do my best. You're my only hope nationals! Don't wanna screw you up again!

; JAIME!

/edited: zomg, this is long !

Current Mood:

okay

Current Music: Goo goo dolls - Slide

6 comments | Leave a comment

27 June 2008 @ 12:09 am

I'll tell another

"because you live"

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot.
review test is overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. ahahahhaha. goodbye books!
haven't been online since sunday! WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT RIGHT!

gosh, i'm tired.
but i wanna blog! :D
anyhow, we went to watch get smart today at cine!
aiyah, wanted to sneak into ZOHAN! but oh wells. we were late boo!
anyhow, get smart was funny! (: so it wasn't wasted anyway
we have really cool pencil cases okay! woot, onethree bond!

and i'm happy.
nats are coming and all. but i'm happy.
my life's good. and everything's fine.
i don't care if my "friends" make me feel out of place.
and exclude me or whateverrr. i have my onethreehills!
and my email pals! they make me happpy :D:D:D:D!
and i guess, i should start forgetting.
i know i'm half left only. because, ya YOU ATE IT UP LA EVIL JJJJJJJJ.
but yah, at least i have half left! :D and i'm still happy!

oka, so i think everyone who comes here and reads gets really bored.
since mich says almost the whole level thinks, YAH THAT.
and HAHA THERES NOTHING LA.
there won't be ANY mention here, if you're hoping.
no more mention of metaphorical books anymore.
because i dont wanna like a book.
or rather have a favourite book at this point in time.
(if you got the book thing from years ago, then you'd get this, if not, haha.)
BUT twilight is goooooood! this is not metaphorical, haha!
and edward cullen is friggin' hot and perfect.
yesss, i think i should stop thinking of perfect stuff.

okay, i'm realllly tired. i'm just posting, so my blog won't be postless anymore.
it was postless for 6 days says livejournal, heck!
oh, and anyone know how to do the skins thing!
i hate the ones that they give us on livejournal, so plain!

annabel : yesssss! we needa save to shop! i like shopping and buying just anything i see! ohoh, and i think you should get a lj, but i'll go find out how to use the skin thing first! (:

okay friends, night!
(yay i replied emails! :D)

; JAIME!

/edited 2806

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Leona lewis - Bleeding love

1 comment | Leave a comment

16 June 2008 @ 10:45 pm

It's all about you;

"its all about you, jesus"

here's to confi camp, and everything that God's done.

like woww, have you felt like you really have changed in 3 days. like, you know. you're focus has changed, your purpose has changed. and you suddenly feel like, you're not alone anymore. and you can never live this life alone, there's always someone to live for, to balance on, and who'll catch your burdens and'll just carry you up above it all. yeahh, that's the way.

its been a great camp. considering, i went for camp with me not being 100% there. it was school work, training, and everything else. yeah, i wanted to feel God, and ask him for help. like hell, how hard is it for you to let me win something maan. but yeah. its us who work for God, not God for us. and, i don't know. you never ever get what you expect. i guess, now, after being 'slain' and rested in the spirit, and on the verge of confirmation. i know i have to serve God. i mean, he friggin' died on the cross, for people who tease, who hate and who give up. people like me. and the least we can do, is to serve him, because he loves us so very much. praise the Lord.

okay, so i'm sounding wayyy to holy to be me. haha. but the guy says we'd change. and the people around us might not. and it scares me. what happens, if your friends just seem different. but nevermind that. i do my part, and he do his. that's what the aunty said. so anyway. i've made new friends at camp too. and yeah, it was realll fun. i spurred with the ij peeps. bonded with shermaine, i dare say. and yeah. there's new outlook to everything. God comes into your life and changes everything. like woww, i hope i can cope mann. i was really half dead during camp. cause haha, us to super. decided to talk till 1am when we were supposed to sleep at 11.30 and talk till 2 when we were supposed to sleep at 1215. haha, girls will be girls. and it was greatttt. friends there, happy there. relaxed there.

i hope, i stay this way. i hope i'll live for God, in God. and i hope, and pray that i won't just give up. aunty michelle says we'd face many obstacles when you pray for other people,cause you're facing their obstacles for them. i realllllly hope it all works. i mean, its so sad to just see things like that. i really do miss you, you you you you you. and i really don't think 'you' knows who she is. oh wells.

the praise lady said. "and for those who are happy everyday, god smiles down on you and blesses you with happiness" haha. maybe that's me. maybe that's why i don't like being sad. maybe that's how god touches me everyday of my life. i hope i'll be able to fight the battles everyday. to push away the devil and to, psst, stop hating. haha. yeah yeah. i've said that 1 billion times perhaps, but this time i really do mean it and want to do it, kay! :D

so this is everything i've wanted right. to be happy. and to know what to do. and finally, i feel at peace with everything. (:
serve him, love him, life for him.

and now, i just hope that god's plan is for me to do well in track & studies.
cause i wanna be a sponsored ( haha funny word, no? ) doctor.
but ultimately, its his glory always, not mine. not anymore.

/edit: haha, wow didn't realise it was so long.
replied emails, hurray. connection, yozxzzxx!

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

content

Current Music: Confi camp - With all I am

4 comments | Leave a comment

12 June 2008 @ 10:24 pm

Run baby run;

"They'd eat you alive"

LALALALALA.
I came back from CHINA today, yuckos the airport suckssssssssssss.
And I'm going off for confirmation camp tmrw, woohooo. I've no life.
Might skip confi camp, I can't die. Reviewww test will kill me ah, like that.
Ohwells, this is my fault. :/ :/ :/

Nationals can't be a disaster. heh, training scares me.
Be stronger jaime, stronger! :D (yes this sounds motivational ish again, but i'm tired!)
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. My life is not dead. yet.

So, I'm dropping by to say I am alive.
And that I'm (still) on the brink of dying.
Cause I've 100000 things undone. And I can't do it.
Woohoo, God please give me a miracle.

Okay, have to go. Bye see you in a few days time.
I am way too tired of this dreadful routine. Night!

; JAIME!

Reply to hillary:
Hurray! Go reaad your email ! :D yay, my new medium of communication. (:

Current Mood:

stressed

Current Music: Leona lewis - Yesterday

1 comment | Leave a comment

07 June 2008 @ 10:29 am

Rain rain go away;

"Waiting for the sun"

Lalalalalalalalala.
Soooooooooooooo, i'm slacking. Later i'll bathe and start work.

Going away tmrw, hurray aeroplane ride! :D:D:D:D:D
I like feeling like i'm above it all, high in the clouds and knowing that no one can touch you at all.
I want to learn how to flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Cause, flying's falling, just that you know, you won't get hurt.
And then after that, i've !confi camp, and then !cl camp! :D:D:D:D. So maybe I'm not looking forward to it as much.
But, heyyy, maybe God'll enter my life and make it full again. And maybe, something else may come and take the place of all this. Crap.
At least I'll be away from this busy busy life, for just a while, just a little while. Uncontactable, undistracted and happy. (:
Not that I'm not now, its just that a break from the world's such a wonderful thing, sincerely.

Haha, waiting on the world to change.
I reckon you don't. Cause waiting sucks, and the world may never ever change.
And yeah, if it never changes, then you're just gonna be a sad sad child.
So, stop waiting and move on with life, there's more than just one person out there.
And Colin if you're reading this, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU.
YOUUUUUUU should wait. :D:D:D:D Cause its good. aha aha aha.
If you're not Colin, and you think I'm referring to you.
THEN THE WORLD WONT CHANGE SOON, STOOOOP WAITING. sorry! :(

Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever gets any of my posts,
or if the target audience ever reads it. But who cares. I've made my point.
Its your problem whether you get it or not. (Haha, like yoooo, get the hint already, y'know!)
But yeah, maybe I should say things more directly, then maybe, it'll be more obvious.
Or maybe, I could just learn from I-know-who, and be a very mean person, and say everything as it is.
And, break hearts, or crush confidences. Maybe?

So anyway, for the umpteenth time I'm saying this, so you people will stop asking.
I DO NOT LIKE ANY GUY AT THIS POINT IN TIME. :D

SO STOP ASKING ME.
Yesss I used to like someone(s) in sec2, and probably maybe there used to be some brief someone, who disappeared.
And I'm not gonna bore you about it, cause yeah, pretty boring huh. And I'm not gonna tell you everything here, and and...
BUT NOO. I don't like anyone as in like like haiyohhh. Unless you count spongebob, or my countless girlfriends in class.
And uhm, my dearest celeste, aka b oyfriend <3! So yess, quit asking me and teasing me!
I mean, its okay with me and all, but you know, it kinda has the wrong connotations, you know, language arts?
I've already said 98765456765434567654323674321234567876543 times, that I'm a good girl right!
And I'm not lying, liars are bad girls ( or boys, ahaha )!
So yeah. :D Go find someone else to tease, just not me, cause I ain't have nothingg :D:D:D:D

Anyhowwwww, I shall stop wasting time.
Its gonna rain rain rain rain rain. Ahaha, I hope my mum'll bring us out today!
Can't stand being at home during the holsssss! Its stuuuuuuupid!
Chemistry, Language arts, Physics and Math awaits me.
Goodbye, see you, ciaooooooooooooooo! :D

; JAIME!
I really do hope you get the message. I don't like being frank, much. Sorry! :X

Current Mood:

silly

Current Music: Pink - Who knew

1 comment | Leave a comment

03 June 2008 @ 08:47 pm

I can't stand to fly;

"With clouds between my knees"

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon,
my braces will be off! Youch la, the rubber bands' are pulling my teeth. :(
Anyhows, it'll be over soon, and I can go become a super model.
WAY HOTTER THAN YOU <insert name here>! :D:D:D:D:D:D
Hahahahahaha, you wish la jaime! Not gonna happen! D:
After all, its just teeth, how much could it do, right?

Slacking again. Haiyoh, I'm really gonna fail at this rate.
And I ~~hate,~~ really really really don't like you. (haha, hate is a strong word)
Stupid, I refuse refuse to go for pt. HELLO I'D ALREADY BE ACHING SHIT BY THEN.
I've freaking CIRCUITS tomorrow. You think its easy. Its a friggin' 2nd cca that i'm gonna quit anyway, horse.
Whatever you, if Andrea can quit, then so will I. Go away youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Anyhowwwww. I should be studying. Haiyoh.
I'm so so so so lazy. AIYOH.
I'm just here to blog a little talk a little and fly flitter disappear away.

Anyhows, track's coming. And I can already feel that 800 nervousness coming.
Nononononono, I don't want to screw this again. I can't I can't!
Fear of failure. I already screwed cross up and its not like I'm not trying.
I'm training more than ever, if it goes down the drain, I'd swallow you whole.
I don't know how much faith I'll have left. But I'm holding on, I won't give up.
Needa get the faith back, hoping camp(s) will revive Jesusssss in me.
We run for Jesus, we do it the right way. Faith and trust, I'm not giving up.

NEED this. I really NEED it.
There's so much I feel I've already given up on.
There's so much I cannot be bothered about already.
Studying and running; its all I have left to have confidence in.
Please don't take it away, after we've worked so hard together Lord.
You gave me the focus and the faith. Now, I need to get it started again.
Everything that used to stand so strong, just falls down.
Nobody cares. Oh, you're not here, means you're distancing away. Isn't that the way?
That's not true. Sulin still feels right next to me. Even though its been very long.
Sometimes the only you have left is trust. Trust that its not the end, trust that when you fall,
You won't fall all that hard. And I really really do hope so. I really do.
I can't control myself. There's no more drive, discipline, determination.

All or nothing;
Take that down, remember it now.
Tear down that track, tear up those books.
Make it worth, make it last.

And you know, I think that's all I have left;
I don't want anything else. Just faith, grades and timings.
Its a one track route, but at least we get something going.
You try sooo hard to make things right, to prove your worth.
She'll just look away and think you're weird, think you're trying too hard.
I'm not putting up a front, I'm trying to get my focus right.
I'm trying to succeed. I'm trying not to get anything get me off my feet.
I'm trying to get there, get there quick. And stay there, stay there long.

Moods = mindset.
Mindset = attitude.
Attitude = Success.
Get it right, nowwwww.

I don't care about you you you you you. :P
I've other friends, and other things to do.

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

lazy

Current Music: The fray - How to save a life

4 comments | Leave a comment

01 June 2008 @ 11:05 pm

Just becase things are changing;

"Just know who your friends are"

Yesterday's amazing race was fun! :D
Super tiring, but super fun! :D:D:D:D:D
Haha, loveeee you cross girls! (:

Wasted time again today. Haha, that's my department la.
I'm so deadddd. Start studying soon maaaaaaan.
Training all alone tmrw, without michelle, haiyoh! :/
I'll miss michelle during training! :( :( :(

I neeeeeed to talk to Francesca so bad, but what I wanna say never gets out.
Haiyoh, whyyyy. Its not entirely my fault right, this whole thing. It isn't!
Who cares laa, everytime I try, it doesn't work anyway. NOT MY PROBLEM.
You're just gonna miss out on my presence in your life. Doesn't matter.
You win some, you lose some. You gain one, you lose one. That's how it goes.
Hold it tight, and try to never let it go. Even if flying is prettier than keeping.
LALALALAALALALALA. It does not matterrrrr.

Okay, short post short post. Gonna sleep already!
HAVE FUN FRIENDS! KEEP SAFE, TAKE CARE! DON'T MISS ME JLOWE, PETER, MICHELLE, SHUMIN, ANNABEL, BRYAN, SONGKAI, ETC! :D
hahaha. :D:D:D:D! ego muchhhhhhhhhhhh!

okay, seeyou goodnight!
haha, omg so sweet. haahaha.

; JAIME! (:

Current Mood:

jumpy

Current Music: Regina spektor - The call

Leave a comment

30 May 2008 @ 11:57 pm

The crowd begins to sing;

"All at once"

Aha, had so much fun with mich today.
Hohohohohoho.

Was thinking on the way home just now.
Lizzi and Celly keeeeeeep thinking I'm not really happy inside.
Which isn't the case, really. I am happy, if not I wouldn't smile, wouldn't laugh, wouldn't talk.
They say its extreme. Which isn't really the case, cause I've always been this way.

But maybe, I don't know just maybe. I'm overly happy because I hate being sad.
Have you tried to jump off the 100th storey feeling broken and feelingless?
No right. For someone like me who has expectations that reach the sky, disappointment sucks okay. And anything you put your faith and hope into that fails is a bloody hell disaster. And if you put me next to an ape and compare me, i'd much prefer that than comparing me to something I've tried not to be for ages and telling me that she's better than me. A sad anorexicly skinny girl is better than me. Yeah, whatever man, I'd never take it sitting down, hellooooo. And yeah, when you feel like that you can bloody hell shoot yourself la. Who the hell wants to be told that they're worse than what they've always tried not to be.

Nobody. wants to feel that way. I'm suree.

And I never want to feel that way again. So, I think being happy's the only way out. Live it well, live it up. At least you'd never go to booze or extreme lust or anything like that. I just want to live a good life inside and out. Who cares if its not the most favourable. I'm willing to work and give up that social life scene. Cause, some things are just more important to me. I don't know, I feel like being happy helps solve more than you think it does. So, that's the way I'll keep it. Even if its too much. At the least, it can pass round. Guess, I screw lots of relationships up cause I try too hard. But who cares la, I try you don't try, it screws up, who's fault? Mineeeeeeeee. Always my fault right? Might as well not try. Then no energy lost. Better.

I've had a pretty enjoyable day though. (: Library, pasta, noodles, rice. Hmmmm. Amazing race tmrw, ooooooooooooooh yeahhhh!

I reallly miss the Godliness in IJ schools. And I realllly miss the great attitudes, rather than the, survive or die attitudes. But oh wells, its all gooood. Miss you sulin, thank god for emails. Miss you joannn, see you tomorrowww.

ONE THREE HILLS, WHEN ARE WE GOING OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

; JAIME! :D

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: Jaime's room - The sound of the fan

1 comment | Leave a comment

28 May 2008 @ 11:46 pm

Laid to rest.

"I'll set off on a new chase"

AHAHAHAHA. Boys like girls, YAY! :D

Pretty unproductive today. Was supposed to STUDY in school after training.
But AHEM, people ah, tsk tsk. End up getting distracted. Boohoo. I wanted to study orh!

Anyway. Today we supposed to have light training. :D
Which we thought essentially was, gym workout.
Which lasts an hour or so. Which is, really really really good! (:
However, our light workout turned out to be our very own, circuit.
Which by the way, is not one bit light. Its super tiring and sweat draining.
My leg hurt like mad, so I didn't run the last 3 sets, biked instead. :D
Circuit, btw is like one conditioning exercise and one round round the track, and on and on.
We did 3 sets that comes up to about 1hour plus in the hot sun and 15 rounds run.
Which is about 6k, which isn't that much compared to our 8k and 16k, but feels alot in the sun.
So anyhows, it was reallllll tiring. And so after training, which ended before 11 ( Hurray! :D ),
Mich (Neo) and I followed Sonia to go Macs and eat breakfast. Which is superrrrr shiok. :D
Hotcakesssss! And for them sausage mc muffin. Yupp, then we had to go and get Manu's cake, since it is his birthday.
(oh by the way,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANU! x15
AHA. YANDAPUNANA i hope its nothing bad!
not enough space to type it 15 times , sorry!)
And we bought him gummiess, aha. Which we ended up koping (some!) in 76 on our way home.
So yeah, when we got back to vj, with our take away lunches, it started raining like super heavily.
Not like it matters anyway. But, yeah. What a time to rain, after circuit right? Should have been during training!
Anyway, we bathed and went to class to study. Which ended up rather unproductively AHEMM.
Ate lunch, netsurfed, tried to do(and accomplished a bitttt) of work, and got really distracted.
Pretty fun and exciting, don't you think. APART FROM THE SUANNING ME. AHEMMMMMM!
Not applicable la friendsss, wrong wrong wrong.
HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU THAT I WANNA MARRY SPONGEBOB THE CARTOON CHARACTER,
AND THAT I DONT LIKE ANY GUY HAIYOH, wuliaoooooooooo.

What's wrong with you people! And your obsession with an umbrella! Who's childish here huhhhh!
But nevermind, its all for fun, laughter, peace and joy. Aha, I seriously hope you take it only to that.
Anyhowwwwwwwws.
We left school at about 4, and the stupid annoying bus just drove past us. ATTITUDE MUCH!
So we had to wait for another bus, which took a little while, but aye, not fair SBS make us wait longer than supposed to!
COMPLAINNNNNNN! !! Anyhowwwwwww. We took the bus back, and tadaaa, appeared at home!
( I took the liberty to save you pain of reading about me do nothing :D, thank me!)

And yeahhhhhh, in summation. Today was real funny! ;D
Aiyoh, the 2 guys ahhh, don't know what's going on in their heads laaa! tsk!
Manu goes high on the strangest phrase, weird lah!
And Jianghan is damnnnnnnnnnn annoying. Haiyoh, mich!
But anyhow, joke of the day is : YANDAPUNANA.
I don't know what that means, but its superrr funny. At least the way it was used.
I think we took tooo many Vitamin Cs today, haiiiii. Diarrhoea tmrw!

Did a bit of work just now. :D
Aha, played with fonts! Super fun eh!
I like my msn font now, but most people can't see! :/

Okay, time to sleep. Wake up tmrw to do work and to study because I am a good girl.
Gotta try to get my leg to stop hurting, can't train properly like that y'knowwww!
Study harder, do better. Train harder, run faster.

Okay fine, so I'm encouraging myself, biggg deaaaaal.
At least I'm trying :D

Okayy. Goodnight/morning!

Oh and,
DEAR B OYFRIEND<3,
CONGRATS STUDENT CONDUCTOR! :D
You can do ittt, believeeeee! ;)

; JAIME! :D
~~somuchforbeingfree.~~

Current Mood:

amused

Current Music: The fray - All at once

Leave a comment

27 May 2008 @ 11:01 pm

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer;

"I don't ever wanna love another"

Whoot. Its the second day of the hols.
And I spent it with tuition, compasspoint and (trying) to study. (:
NB: TRYING to study.
Crap la, i'm never gonna get anywhere at this rate.
Okay, tomorrow I WILL study. Oh hell, this is so tough.

Anyway, I woke up at 9, tried to do some work, then had tuition.
And then we went off to compasspoint! Met Lissa on 86, yupppp! :D
Then we arrived at compasspoint, and waited for celly to come, and we ate at delifrance!
Haha, yes, I'm officially super broke, yayyy JAIME!
Then we went to buy sweets from minitoons and stationery from popular.
Bought a hot pink pen, 2 fulscap pads and post its! :D
Yes I know, I'm such a spendthrift!
Thennn, we headed down for church, and lissa was happy.
So, I didn't get much physics/LA done. Some at least?
Oh wells. Didn't go for mass, since mummy said she'd pick me.
And yeah, went to Thomson with my mum, dad and brother to grocery shop.
Came home, had dinner, slacked HERE (sadly, :/) and then went to bathe.
And now, I'm back here. BLOGGING. Yes, I am wasting time. Sighhhhh.

Training tmrw, gotta sleep soon. Yupp!

Anyway, I saw the RCIA/Y banner outside church today.
Its real catching; "LET GO, LET GOD"
Its real powerful, yeah? Jaime gotta learn to let go.
Aha, its not healthy, later kill someone how?
Moveeeeeeeee jaime, moveeeeeeeeeee!

OMG, I NEED TO STUDY. ARGHHHHHHH!

Lalalala.
Aha I think I should treasure my friendships more.
I keep losing them, just like everything else in the world.
I mean, I don't keep them close enough, you know?
I don't know I don't know. Time time time.
Drifting drifting, you know? I don't know.
Is it possible to be so close to someone, but feel no closeness at all?
Is it possible to be friends just because you spend time together?
I don't know. Maybe what we expected of friendship's not all that cool.
Oh welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllls. Training tmrw, yes light training! :D

Okay, tag stuff :D
1. Do you like your present school?
- Yupp! Veee is for VJC!

2. What do you want the most now?
- Timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

3. Who is the closest person to you in your school?
- Vivissa or Charian. :D One person only right?

4. Do you hate your friends sometimes?
- Haha, yeah. :/

5. Are you afraid of death?
- A little?

6. Do you believing in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
- Yupp, totally.

7. What is your goal this year?
- To be everything I want to be.

8. What makes the world go round?
- Love, and joy.

9. Have you ever broken someone’s heart that he/she wants to commit suicide?
- Not that I know of, yay! :D

10. What do you enjoy doing the most?
- Being happy!

11. Have you ever done anything for your admirer?
- Huh, what admirer?

12. What feelings do you hate most?
- Disappointment, I'm sure.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
- Not as much as I would like to, argh :/

14. How do you want to die?
- ~~Hit down by a car and then struck by lightning.~~ Of old age, in mid air while skydiving. :D

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- I have nooooo idea.

16. Do you find life meaningless?
- Nope!

17. Who do you love most?
- Trying to, love God.

18. Who do you talk most to in school?
- Charissa & Vivian! :D

Instructions: remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, then tag 6 people in your list, list them out in the end of this post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged.

There aren't many people I can tag right, only those who read this. But I don't know who reads so, anyhow tag!
Charissa, Shumin, Manu, Sulin, Vivian and Francesca! :D
Aha, people with blogs, hurray! :D

I'd tag the church people, but they're already tagged. NEHHHHHHH. notfairlah!

People, comment! I don't know who reads here. Eiyer, so boring and miserable!

Okay. Nighttttttttttttttttt!

; JAIME!

Current Mood:

lazy

Current Music: Hillsong - From the inside out

1 comment | Leave a comment

Advertisement

Advertisement